For the next 30+ days, I will be eating meat, vegetables, healthy fats, fruits and nuts. I will not be eating processed food, sugar, dairy, grains or legumes, and I won’t be consuming any alcohol.

I’ve done a few Whole30 challenges before, but this time I’m looking for something a little different. I lost touch with my Paleo choices last year and I would like to reconnect with what it means to feel healthy, vibrant, and in tune with my whole self.

If you’re doing a Whole30 or other challenge, if you are living/exploring the Paleo lifestyle, or if you are simply looking for some tasty recipes to add to your repertoire, be sure to leave a comment to let me know you’re out there! I am so glad you stopped by!

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Day 12 is done!

Quote of the Day: No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everyone on the couch.

I don’t really love this quote because I am more about supporting others and less about comparing or judging, but if you look past that, then its fundamental message is one that I definitely agree with. While the quote is probably more geared towards exercise, it holds true for any big endeavor. Change takes time. Learning about ourselves takes time. But just because it takes time, doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. So start where you are and go from there. More often than not, it is the tiny steps and changes rather than the grand gestures that ultimately get us to our destination. So go slowly! It’s an opportunity to practice and get better at being your best self.

It absolutely takes time to right our relationship with food. When you have years, decades even, of disordered eating on any level – including the simple feeling that you are not in control of your food, but that it seems to take over your rational mind – well, then it can take a while to separate all the stories that you’ve been telling yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that those are just stories. They do not have to continue to be your truth.

We all have our own stories: I always drink when I’m out. I can’t control myself around nuts and raisins. I’m fat or overweight. I can’t be trusted around cake. I’ll never be fit. And on and on. But I’m telling you, we can let the stories go. We can choose a different path. We can even recreate ourselves. Starting right now, no matter how slowly.

As I’ve evolved these past few years with my Paleo eating and consistent fitness routine, I’ve begun to let a few of those stories go. Taking care of my whole self, including my heart and mind and body, means nurturing it with food that makes me healthier, not less healthy. But it also means balancing that with some wine or sharing (perhaps even too much) cheese with a dear friend. For me, it’s about finding a way to allow the pendulum to swing, but maybe not quite as much as it has swung in the past.

I find it interesting that once the shift has happened, I don’t feel any desire for the foods that don’t make me feel great. I’m not walking around feeling deprived because I can’t have bread or cheese. The truth is that I can. Any time. I don’t have an autoimmune disease that makes it dangerous for me, I just know that I feel better when I don’t. The choice is ultimately mine.

What balance doesn’t mean for me is eating so much of something that it gives me a stomachache or that I gain weight that I don’t want to be carrying around. That’s the piece that really matters to me. How do I indulge just enough to be living my life joyfully, the way I truly want to experience life, and then pull back so that I’m not feeling uncomfortable or unhealthy? That’s what I’m trying to figure out these days and I’m feeling more confident in my ability to do that.

In 2014, I was really consistent with my Paleo eating for most of the year. In 2015, I dabbled – a lot – in foods that are not on the Paleo list. Not every day, not all year, but enough so that when the year closed out, I didn’t like how my jeans fit and I knew I needed this Whole30 to reset my relationship. I feel that 2016 has the potential to be that year when the different pieces of my puzzle fit together. I have no intention of living my life as an eternal Whole30. But I also feel my best when I am about 90% Paleo. This year I want to find that space between control and crazy. I might even call it life.

Day 12 – The Details

4:30am – Black coffee

6:15am – 2 eggs, zucchini, 1/2 tsp. coconut oil, 1/4 avocado and cucumber w/ 1/2 tsp. oil, sauerkraut, 1 clementine

1:00pm – Curried fish with spiced green beans, 1 clementine

5:15pm – Chicken sausage in marinara with zoodles

Food: Probably my best day yet! I was busy a lot of the day so my mind wasn’t on food very much, which I’m sure made it easier. I felt like I was choosing what to eat and not the other way around. I hope it lasts.

Mood: Happy. I’ll just leave it at that.

Sleep: 7 hours and it felt great. I had a little trouble falling asleep because my mind was busy, but once out, I slept really well and I woke up just before the alarm went off.

Activity: Yoga, Sprints

Focus – Meditate Daily: Early morning today. I used a mantra because I am having trouble focusing my mind lately. There’s a lot on my plate for the next month, but then it should settle down. For now, it definitely takes some time to find my breath.