Whole45@45 – Day 13

Self-Talk-1-428x550I’m starting to find my groove. I’m dialing my food in a little bit better but there still seems to be some work to do there. One thing I forgot to mention yesterday is just how much more stable my energy is. I no longer crash mid-day and even at night I have more energy. I usually go to sleep really early because I wake up at 4am, but the past couple nights I have had to tell myself to turn out the light because I felt awake enough to keep reading. Sleep is key though so it’s totally worth it, but it is noticeable how awake I feel.

So the other day, someone told me that I’m too hard on myself. And then this morning, one of the ladies I train was talking about her arms. We’ve been together for a while and she knows that I’m not a fan of talking badly about ourselves. She almost said her arms were fat, but changed it to how she’s working on her arms some more before wearing a tank top. When something comes up twice in one week, I figure I better pay attention a little bit. It got me thinking about body confidence, self acceptance, self-talk, loving ourselves where we are, body dysmorphia, and many other things.

As someone who has struggled with my weight my entire life, this is definitely something that I would love to find some secret answer to, but I am still working my way through it myself. I will probably come back to this subject again as the journey progresses, but let me just share a couple of thoughts today.

I truly believe that how we talk to ourselves has an impact on how we approach life. If we assume we have the strength and wherewithal to accomplish a task, we are that much closer to doing it. It’s one of the things that I love about strength training. When you start lifting weights and are suddenly lifting things far heavier than you ever thought possible, it carries over into other aspects of your life. You find that you are capable of accomplishing what you set your mind to. And perhaps more importantly, you know ahead of time, because you believe that you can right from the start.

That self-confidence comes step by step. A few good eating decisions, a few good workouts, and a shift begins to happen. Even before physical changes occur, people tend to carry themselves differently and speak to themselves differently. It goes hand in hand.

But let me back up one second because there is something even more important. For me, anyway, it is part of the fundamental issue. It’s what I think my friend about me being hard on myself. Weight doesn’t change who you are. You are no different, and I am no different, because of ten pounds. I’m saying this even though I struggle with it because I know it is true.

I have never ever, not even once, looked at one of my friends or loved ones who put on or lost ten pounds and thought any differently of them. I didn’t think they were any less beautiful or remarkable or worthy of love or filled with gifts to share with the world. Not even for one second. So why would I imagine that they think differently of me?

Partly I guess because there is a societal expectation around what is attractive, but of course even that is so different from person to person. I work in a gym so I spend my days in workout clothes and I admit that it has an impact on how I think about myself because I wonder if people question my worth as a trainer if I am struggling with my weight. Shouldn’t I have it all figured out by now?

When I start going down that path, I need to remind myself that I am strong and fit and healthy. But even that makes me wonder sometimes because if your identity is tied up in the physical, whether appearance or capabilities, what happens when those change or an injury comes up or any number of things. So then, worth must be tied to something else.

You are worthy because you are here, working every day towards being a good person in all the roles that you play. You are loveable because your heart is in the right place. you are deserving because we all are. You have something to share with those around you and something to give to this world. And you are beautiful. So very beautiful. Amazing really. Don’t ever forget that.

I hope you know this.

Shine bright. xo

What did I eat today?

Breakfast – Chicken thigh, cucumber, 1/4 avocado, olive oil

Lunch – Chicken thigh, chipotle slaw / handful of raspberries

Snack – 2 HB eggs, cherry tomatoes, snap peas

Dinner – Creole shrimp and zoodles / Banana with 1 tsp. almond butter

Much better day today. I ate a little less at each meal, cut the carbs way down, and had a splash of raw, unfiltered apple cider vinegar before breakfast and lunch. The only time my stomach hurt was after dinner and I’m wondering if it was the banana or not having the ACV. I’ll have to keep paying attention because I felt much better after the first two meals and throughout the day.

How did I move today?

Full body strength workout today felt good. Also played tennis with my husband and son and got a quick walk/run in with my dog. It was just going to be a walk, but a summer storm encouraged me to hurry home.






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