I took a little break. From everything, really. On Day 38, from a place of contentment and reflection, I decided to sit outside with a glass of wine on a summer evening because it was exactly what needed. I needed a break from daily blogging because school started and I needed that time with my son.  I needed a break from perfect Paleo because it had begun to skew away from health and towards fixation.

So I missed my goal of 45 days and I realized that a few more days of not blogging were going by. Even when I came back to Whole30 eating, I was still avoiding blogging. And then it occurred to me. I didn’t want to blog again because I was worried what you all would think of me. Shame. Worry. Embarrassment.

That’s when I knew that I absolutely needed to blog because my life and how I go through my journey is not how you might do your own journey – and that’s just fine. While I feared that stopping before the finish line would possibly demotivate someone who is following along and working through their own challenges, I also thought that maybe a different person might totally appreciate that my journey isn’t linear. In the end, a challenge that I post online is still my own to live and learn from.

So a few things to consider:

• When I posted my results at 30 days, something switched over in my brain and I felt like I was finished. Every day after that I was dragging and pushing and fighting with myself.
• More than ever, I need to work on balance and moderation. If I have something that falls outside the scope of Paleo, it doesn’t have to derail me for a month. I’m still in it. Because “it” is my life and I’m still working towards my healthiest self.
• I hurt (rehurt) my hamstring and realized that I kept over-exerting because I was after some end result. I’ve had to take a step back and this is tough sometimes.
• The days that I was derailed were also hormonally charged and quite likely needed even more carbohydrates. This is something I haven’t really figured out yet.
• If perfection is my goal, I will never attain it. Get over it.
• I have work to do around body image, the scale, results, weight as an indicator of health, and why any of this is important to me.

Somehow I got tangled up in the duration of the challenge and doing my results early and having an arbitrary finish line. It totally jacked me up for a minute. What I’m grateful for is that after only a few days, I easily came back to what makes me feel good. I am currently dialed way, way back on any activity while my leg heals. If I’m truly wanting to express health and wellness, then that means I have to back off when my body tells me to. This is a part of the balance that I’m working on.

What I’ve been thinking about lately is a variation on a Whole anything. It’s more about actively and intentionally balancing what I eat, how I move, and the things that I do for self-care in a way that is whole-heartedly less than perfect, but just right for ME. Since perfection is not my goal but deviating from a set of rules derails me, I want to mindfully practice balance. If I have a glass of wine, it doesn’t mean a free-for-all for three days. If I have a dinner out, it doesn’t mean biscuits and gravy the next day. Or maybe it does. I really want to practice tuning in to what is worth it, when it’s worth it, and why.

I went into these 45 days because I wanted to help a friend. I truly hope I gave a little guidance and support along the way. I feel refreshed and reengaged with my healthy habits, which is exciting. Eating like this is so doable. Feeding yourself whole, delicious, real food can transform us from the inside out and it’s totally worth it! And so is a glass of wine and a chocolate bar and a rest day. It’s about finding the balance that works best for you – not for anyone else and I’m grateful that I took the time to explore and experiment.

Thank you so much for coming along on this imperfect journey with me. I really appreciate you. xo