I had a beautiful day today. I connected with a friend and felt love and loved. Mondays are also when I work with a number of different women and I saw them connect as well and support one another and be there for each other. I was reminded today, and deeply moved, by how our humanness brings us closer together. When we feel safe and are able to be vulnerable, to share the softer, less secure side of our selves, we have the chance to know our own hearts better as well as allow the other person across from us to bridge the gap with their understanding and acceptance. To be seen with the gentlest eyes is such a gift. I wish everyone could experience it. It says you are missing nothing; you are whole and accepted just as you are. When I see this, when I feel this, I breathe and cherish the moment.

I am moving headlong into the second half of this journey. My hunger feels totally manageable now. I’ve always wondered about people who claim that they forget to eat – I can’t imagine how that’s possible. I certainly don’t forget to eat, but there doesn’t seem to be much urgency behind it. I really have to go a long time before I’m ravenous. It’s super interesting to me and I wonder if some of it is the hormonal shift the other way. I guess I’ll find out in a few weeks. Right now, six or seven hours between meals isn’t hard. I also don’t feel like I’m overeating as much as I did in the beginning when I was trying to feel satisfied. Now I eat what looks normal and then I’m done. Fruit also seems to be taking a back seat. In the beginning I either ate, or at least wanted, fruit after every meal and I wanted to snack on it too. I think I was adjusting to the decreased sugar intake. Today, it just doesn’t seem as important. Tomorrow will test all this a little bit because I have a crazy day ahead, but we’ll just see how it goes.

I’m off to work. I hope you feel love today in any of its various beautiful forms. I’m glad you were here.

Shine bright. xo

What did I eat today?

Breakfast – 2 eggs, zucchini, 1/4 avocado, sauerkraut

Lunch – Salad with grilled pork chop, tomatoes, beets, avocado, sweet onion, mustardy vinaigrette

Dinner – Chili on a bed of slaw

Today’s workout?

I’m sending this a little early. I’m planning to get a back workout in, but I’m not sure it will happen. It will depend on what I feel like doing after work. Either way, it’ll be okay today.

Yesterday was an amazing day! I had the opportunity to take a yoga training class at a studio that feels really special to me. It’s not near where I live so I don’t get to practice there very often, but when they hold a special event, I try to attend. Yesterday’s training was about assists. The concept of assisting someone so that they may more fully enter into the experience they are already having is beautiful to me. It’s not about changing where someone is or “fixing” them in any way because in yoga, as in life, nothing is missing. We already have all that we need inside of us. Sometimes we simply need help remembering.

I love going to trainings and seminars. Learning something new always feels exhilarating to me. It’s probably something that I should try to do more often because it makes me feel connected to myself and the world around me in a different way. Maybe that’s why I’m enjoying this process so much too. Having to reflect and share with you what I’m going through has me looking at my eating and health differently. I have to say, though, I might only blog daily up to 30 days and then slow it down a bit. This level of analysis of my food doesn’t seem all that balanced to me.

But seriously! Already 21 days done? Crazy. I would be entering into the final countdown if it were a Whole30 and I am so glad that I extended it. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll be stopping at 45 days either. I am thinking maybe something like 60. While I don’t believe that living this rigidly around food is how I want to live all the time, it hasn’t really felt that rigid yet. I have really been loving what I’m eating, how it’s fitting into my day, how I feel in my mind and body and everything about this process so I want to go a little bit longer before making a change. I plan to reintroduce foods carefully to see how I feel with each addition and I’m even looking forward to that process too. But we’ll see how it all plays out – I’m only half way done right now so I might change my mind.

The Whole30 Timeline talks about Day 21 being a hard one because food boredom sometimes sets in and people just get tired of the process. I’m wondering if I experienced a little of that on Day 19 when I was craving chocolate and super hungry.

Yesterday I was hardly hungry at all. I’m sure it’s because the body has the ability to balance itself when we feed it the right foods. If we’re constantly bombarding it with hyper-palatable packaged products or tons of sugar and non-foods, then it’s impossible for it to signal that it’s done eating because it keeps seeking out more nutrients. And then today, I just felt normal. I was definitely hungry by lunch, which was a little late, but felt pretty steady all day long. Simply being in rhythm.

Nothing much to talk about today. I’m just really enjoying the weekend, relaxing, doing chores around the house, and right now typing while a storm rolls in. I kind of love it.

So what did I eat today?

Breakfast – 2 eggs, cabbage, 1/4 avocado

Pre-workout snack – 1 Lebanese meatball / A few bites of beet

Lunch – Steak salad

Snack – Carrots and Kombucha

Dinner – Grilled pork chop / Buffalo cauliflower / Cherries

Snack – 2 kiwis / Collagen tea

How did I move today?

Leg day! Yesterday was a big shoulder day.

Also walked the dog today.

Just doing a quick drive by today because it was a really busy day and I need some time to unwind. My eating totally fixed itself. I no longer felt like eating everything. I’m thinking it was probably hormonal (sorry if that’s uncomfortable, gentlemen). I’m just glad that I was able to eat and move on instead of feeling driven by hunger.

I’ll have more to share tomorrow. In the meantime, I hope you are all having a wonderful week! Thanks for coming along on this ride!

What did I eat today?

Breakfast – 2 eggs, curried zucchini, 1/4 avocado, sauerkraut

Lunch – Celery salad with grapes, walnuts, onion, chives, mint / Chinese meatballs / Cherries

Dinner – Grassfed beef polish sausage / Broccoli salad with avocado, tomato, onion, pickles, and garlicy vinaigrette

How did I move today?

Yoga and tennis. Wednesdays are mostly rest days for me so I just enjoy whatever movement comes along, plus yoga.

Oh. My. Gosh. I can’t stop eating.

First of all, I’m sorry about not posting yesterday. I was just busy with life and then spent some time unwinding instead of blogging. I could try to share what I ate, but it really isn’t important. The thing is, I could NOT get satisfied. I was hungry all day. I felt like I might be craving things, but when I checked in, even imagining a few things that might be typical cravings, I didn’t want those foods. I just wanted food. And more food.

So I ate. A few times throughout the day I would distract myself or do something different. We met up with friends in the afternoon and I wasn’t hungry then, but I’d had a giant lunch and then a snack almost immediately after, so really had no possibility of feeling hungry. Then it settled down and I had just a very light snack before work and I figured I’d be done. But when I got home, I was still hungry and ate dinner.

Today I have been pretty hungry again, but it feels like it’s a bit less urgent. Still no cravings for foods that are outside the scope of the challenge, but I could keep eating at any moment. I’m not right now, though. I promise. Instead I stepped away from the kitchen, got some essential oils diffusing, and am sipping on bubbly water. I feel totally fine, but I do feel like I had a giant lunch and so I should be fine. Yet I could still eat. So it’s this weird place to be. I don’t know if any of you ever feel like this – unable to get satisfied. Maybe (probably?) I’m a little crazy, but I’m putting it out there just in case someone else has been through this and feels like they were crazy. Either you weren’t or we both are. In any case, you’re not alone.

Days 12-15 according to the Whole30 Timeline are often full of cravings. I’m thinking this is quite possibly what I’m going through right now. The thing is, I actually crave healthy food because I love it. I also crave the feeling of being full. And I use food to suppress any emotional stress or discomfort that I might be feeling. This doesn’t even have to be big emotions, right? For me, I might eat as a form of procrastination, to beat boredom, if I’m feeling lonely or uncertain, overwhelmed, or tired. I also love to eat for all kinds of happy emotions too, but that’s a different scenario. So while I might not be craving typically craveable foods right now, my brain might be trying very hard to go back to the way things were. It’s not a fan of change.

In order to work through the eating urge, I’ve often used meditation, getting up and moving, running an errand because just getting away can reset the mental state, and sometimes I’ve been able to figure out what I was really craving and have satisfied the actual need. This is definitely a skill that I continue to work on.

I believe that when we have food cravings, there is a deeper, more meaningful need that we are seeking to fill. That might be a need for connection or space or relaxation or freedom or celebration (Katie Den Ouden is a master at helping you to discover this), but sometimes it’s tough.

Sometimes, particularly when I am doing a Whole30, I simply decide to eat. I’m still in the process of readjusting my hormones and giving my body the actual nutrition that it needs so if I go a little over in some areas, maybe just maybe, my body actually needed it. I’m learning to listen and the learning phase means that I don’t have it all figured out anyway. So I stick to Whole30 compliant foods because they make my body healthier, and I allow time and patience and grace for my Whole30-mind that is working through the process.

Okay – one other thing. If I were doing a Whole30, this would be my Day 1, but since I’m doing 45 days, I’m already two weeks in. It seems crazy to me! I don’t know where those two weeks have gone, but I’m super excited that in theory, the hardest days are more or less behind me. I know there are more challenges on the horizon and I doubt I’m out of this little mini-food-craze thing yet, but my body is settling into the routine and I appreciate that.

What did I eat today?

Breakfast – 3 Italian meatballs / Roasted broccoli

Pre-workout snack – HB egg with a drop of mayo / Apricot / about 5 almonds

Lunch – Tropical cucumber salad with grilled shrimp / Zucchini soup which had a little sweet potato in it because I had a tough HIIT workout that needed refueling / Blackberries…Except it went like this…Salad with 5 shrimp and 1/2 a mango. Then back for 3 more shrimp and the other 1/2 mango. Then 1/2 c. soup. Then another 1/2 c. soup. Then a handful of blackberries, but I’d already had a whole mango. Geesh. When I was done, the strange thing was that I didn’t feel stuffed even. I just felt done.

Dinner – Chinese BBQ meatballs / Sautéed snap peas (A WellFed Weeknights recipe that is so good!) And I am definitely done eating. 🙂

How did I move?

HIIT workout and hopefully a dog walk tonight.

Yesterday I got a good posterior chain workout in and my body is feeling better all the time.

Want to know how to make eating right easier each week? Have a meal prep day. I find that weekends are the easiest, but it can be any day. I think sometimes people get overwhelmed thinking that you have to do a lot of prep to help your week run more smoothly, but sometimes it just takes a few things to make the whole week easier. Then you can add to your prep each time you cook turning it into a meal prep week.

Today ended up being a big cooking day because I didn’t have a lot of other things to do. I made a soup, these (BalancingPaleo) carrots, some shrimp that I’ll post next week, meatballs for dinner tonight but there are plenty for the week, and I roasted a spaghetti squash (again for tonight) and some broccoli. The fridge is jam-packed full of food that is ready to be turned into a lunch, dinner, or snack.

Here’s the trick, though. Tomorrow when I make dinner, I also plan on throwing together a chicken curry to go in the crock pot so that on Tuesday, I’m not cooking. Then if I need to have more things prepared, I have a few minutes in the evening to cook – even though it won’t be for that day’s dinner. And it rolls through like that.

Or it might be a day of the very basics, like hard boiled eggs, cleaned greens, sweet potatoes, grilled chicken thighs. It can really vary. The key is to have some veggies, some protein, and some greens all ready to go so that you can make something in a hurry. But I also like to add one more substantial dish like a soup or stew or something that likes to be prepared ahead of time and just needs heating up.

I’m curious to hear how any of you prep for the week. Are you more spontaneous? Is it always the same? Do you even do it? If not, why not?

Here’s to a healthful week and a few pockets of time to just relax!

Shine bright. x.

What did I eat today?

Breakfast – 2 eggs, zucchini, 1/4 avocado, sauerkraut

Lunch – 1/2 meatball, 2 shrimp, leftover pork tenderloin, zucchini soup made with a little sweet potato

Snack – Smoky Carrots / Apricot

Dinner – Spaghetti squash with marinara sauce / my Italian meatballs / Green salad / Cherries

It’s been a good day and I can hardly believe two weeks have gone by. I felt pretty full this afternoon because I did a little tasting along the way with all of the food prep, but that’s just the way it goes sometimes.

Energy and mood have both stabilized and things are ticking along. At night I’ve been having a lot of dreams that I remember, which is unusual for me. I’m not sure what that means or if it has anything to do with this Whole45 at all, but last night I woke up a couple different times. I slept in this morning, though, so I’m feeling really rested anyway.

I’m starting to find my groove. I’m dialing my food in a little bit better but there still seems to be some work to do there. One thing I forgot to mention yesterday is just how much more stable my energy is. I no longer crash mid-day and even at night I have more energy. I usually go to sleep really early because I wake up at 4am, but the past couple nights I have had to tell myself to turn out the light because I felt awake enough to keep reading. Sleep is key though so it’s totally worth it, but it is noticeable how awake I feel.

So the other day, someone told me that I’m too hard on myself. And then this morning, one of the ladies I train was talking about her arms. We’ve been together for a while and she knows that I’m not a fan of talking badly about ourselves. She almost said her arms were fat, but changed it to how she’s working on her arms some more before wearing a tank top. When something comes up twice in one week, I figure I better pay attention a little bit. It got me thinking about body confidence, self acceptance, self-talk, loving ourselves where we are, body dysmorphia, and many other things.

As someone who has struggled with my weight my entire life, this is definitely something that I would love to find some secret answer to, but I am still working my way through it myself. I will probably come back to this subject again as the journey progresses, but let me just share a couple of thoughts today.

I truly believe that how we talk to ourselves has an impact on how we approach life. If we assume we have the strength and wherewithal to accomplish a task, we are that much closer to doing it. It’s one of the things that I love about strength training. When you start lifting weights and are suddenly lifting things far heavier than you ever thought possible, it carries over into other aspects of your life. You find that you are capable of accomplishing what you set your mind to. And perhaps more importantly, you know ahead of time, because you believe that you can right from the start.

That self-confidence comes step by step. A few good eating decisions, a few good workouts, and a shift begins to happen. Even before physical changes occur, people tend to carry themselves differently and speak to themselves differently. It goes hand in hand.

But let me back up one second because there is something even more important. For me, anyway, it is part of the fundamental issue. It’s what I think my friend about me being hard on myself. Weight doesn’t change who you are. You are no different, and I am no different, because of ten pounds. I’m saying this even though I struggle with it because I know it is true.

I have never ever, not even once, looked at one of my friends or loved ones who put on or lost ten pounds and thought any differently of them. I didn’t think they were any less beautiful or remarkable or worthy of love or filled with gifts to share with the world. Not even for one second. So why would I imagine that they think differently of me?

Partly I guess because there is a societal expectation around what is attractive, but of course even that is so different from person to person. I work in a gym so I spend my days in workout clothes and I admit that it has an impact on how I think about myself because I wonder if people question my worth as a trainer if I am struggling with my weight. Shouldn’t I have it all figured out by now?

When I start going down that path, I need to remind myself that I am strong and fit and healthy. But even that makes me wonder sometimes because if your identity is tied up in the physical, whether appearance or capabilities, what happens when those change or an injury comes up or any number of things. So then, worth must be tied to something else.

You are worthy because you are here, working every day towards being a good person in all the roles that you play. You are loveable because your heart is in the right place. you are deserving because we all are. You have something to share with those around you and something to give to this world. And you are beautiful. So very beautiful. Amazing really. Don’t ever forget that.

I hope you know this.

Shine bright. xo

What did I eat today?

Breakfast – Chicken thigh, cucumber, 1/4 avocado, olive oil

Lunch – Chicken thigh, chipotle slaw / handful of raspberries

Snack – 2 HB eggs, cherry tomatoes, snap peas

Dinner – Creole shrimp and zoodles / Banana with 1 tsp. almond butter

Much better day today. I ate a little less at each meal, cut the carbs way down, and had a splash of raw, unfiltered apple cider vinegar before breakfast and lunch. The only time my stomach hurt was after dinner and I’m wondering if it was the banana or not having the ACV. I’ll have to keep paying attention because I felt much better after the first two meals and throughout the day.

How did I move today?

Full body strength workout today felt good. Also played tennis with my husband and son and got a quick walk/run in with my dog. It was just going to be a walk, but a summer storm encouraged me to hurry home.